Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
