I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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