i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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