we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
