I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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