I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
