they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
