Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
