there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
