I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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