We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
