The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
