I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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