the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
