So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
