I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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