Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can't special order awesome
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
