I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
