I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
