Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
