i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
