So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
