omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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