your parents love me but you hate me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
