I just threw up on my dentist
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
