Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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