Nicole vs. Life
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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