do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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