it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize