gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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