Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
