thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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