how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
