Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
BRING THE BAGELS
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
