walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
