just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
