yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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