thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
