What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
