I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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