I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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