"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I deserve this hangover.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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