Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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