What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
