my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
