I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
