matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
