I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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