I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
