I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
