I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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