If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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