Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
