We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
