I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
