I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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