thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
