I hate your face
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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