All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
