I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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