Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
