No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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