I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
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What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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